New Year, New… Nothing?
As the confetti settles and the “new year, new you” mantras echo everywhere, many people feel the weight of transformation narratives. Promises to lose weight, save money, or reinvent oneself are common. But if you’ve experienced trauma, these expectations can feel not just daunting but outright harmful. What if the idea of a “new you” feels impossible—or worse, dismissive of the work you’ve already done to survive?
If you’ve found yourself feeling anxious or even resentful about New Year’s resolutions, you’re not alone. For many trauma survivors, the pressure to set goals, achieve milestones, and embrace sweeping change is incompatible with the pace and nature of healing. Let’s explore why resolutions can be challenging for trauma survivors and how to navigate the New Year with self-compassion instead.
The Problem with New Year’s Resolutions After Trauma
New Year’s resolutions are often sold as universal aspirations: lose weight, hustle harder, wake up at 5 a.m., start running marathons. But trauma survivors already know that the road to healing doesn’t look like a glossy Instagram post or a 30-day challenge. Resolutions can be harmful when they ignore the emotional and physical realities of trauma recovery.
Trauma impacts the brain, body, and emotions in profound ways, often leaving survivors with less capacity to “power through” or focus on external goals. Whether your trauma stems from childhood experiences, a relationship, or a specific event, it often creates patterns of hypervigilance, fatigue, or overwhelm.
The brain prioritizes survival, making it hard to focus on long-term goals when your nervous system is still playing defense.
And let’s talk about what happens when a goal isn’t met. For someone healing from trauma, falling short can feel like confirmation of negative core beliefs: “I’m not good enough. I can’t succeed. Something is wrong with me.” What was supposed to inspire change instead becomes a source of shame and self-blame.
Why Trauma Makes Goal-Setting Feel Difficult
Goal-setting requires stability—both emotionally and physically. Trauma disrupts this foundation. It rewires the brain to operate in survival mode, which means activities like self-reflection, planning, and decision-making can feel exhausting or even unsafe.
Here are some common ways trauma complicates goal-setting:
Fear of failure: Trauma survivors may already struggle with self-doubt or perfectionism. Setting a goal can feel like risking failure, which might reinforce old wounds.
Dysregulated nervous system: Trauma can leave the body stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode, making it difficult to stay motivated or take consistent action.
Competing priorities: For survivors, healing often feels like a full-time job. Adding external or superficial goals can feel overwhelming or unrealistic.
Black-and-white thinking: Trauma can make it hard to embrace flexibility. If you don’t meet a resolution exactly as planned, you might feel like giving up entirely.
The good news? Healing from trauma doesn’t require a list of resolutions or radical reinvention. In fact, gentle, flexible approaches to goal-setting are often more effective and empowering.
Gentle, Healing-Centered Goals
Instead of adopting the “new year, new you” mantra, what if you embraced a softer, more self-compassionate approach? You don’t need to overhaul your life in January to experience growth. Here are some ideas for trauma-informed resolutions that prioritize healing and well-being:
Focus on Rest, Not Hustle
Instead of committing to something exhausting, ask yourself: what would feel restorative? For example:“I will take one day each week to rest and recharge, no matter how long my to-do list is.”
“I will try to get an extra hour of sleep each night.”
Prioritize Your Safety and Boundaries
Trauma survivors often struggle with saying “no” or putting their needs first. A goal like, “I will set one healthy boundary this month,” is a small but powerful way to reclaim your voice.Celebrate Small Wins
Forget sweeping change—what about tiny victories? For example:“I’ll celebrate every time I remember to drink water today.”
“I’ll acknowledge how far I’ve come, even if it’s just by journaling about it.”
Stay Present
Resolutions often focus on the future, but healing happens in the present moment. Consider mindfulness-based goals like:“I’ll spend five minutes a day noticing my breath.”
“I’ll practice grounding exercises when I feel overwhelmed.”
Align Goals with Your Values
Traditional resolutions often prioritize productivity or appearance. Instead, think about what truly matters to you. For example:“I’ll spend more time connecting with loved ones.”
“I’ll volunteer once this year to support a cause I care about.”
Examples of Gentle, Healing-Centered Traditions
If traditional resolutions feel like too much, consider creating simple rituals that promote safety and connection. Here are some examples:
Write a “gratitude letter” to yourself. Instead of listing flaws to fix, celebrate your resilience and the things you’ve overcome.
Choose a single word for the year. Words like “peace,” “rest,” or “strength” can serve as a gentle guide without the pressure of specific goals.
Create a self-care jar. Write down small, nourishing activities (like taking a bath or calling a friend) and draw one whenever you need a boost.
Embrace seasonal self-care. Instead of focusing on year-long goals, focus on what feels good in winter—like cozy blankets, tea, or journaling by candlelight.
Supporting a Loved One with Trauma During the New Year
If someone you care about is navigating trauma, the New Year can be a tender time. Instead of pushing them to set resolutions, consider offering support:
Validate their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to skip the whole “resolutions” thing. Healing is a priority, and that’s enough.
Help them reflect on their strengths. Remind them of how far they’ve come and the progress they’ve made, even if it feels small.
Offer companionship. Suggest gentle activities you can do together, like taking a walk or cooking a meal, to build connection without pressure.
Therapy as a Safe Space for Healing
For those grappling with the weight of trauma, therapy can be a powerful tool for moving forward—no resolutions required. Trauma-informed therapy provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore the impact of trauma, set boundaries, and rediscover your inner strength.
Therapeutic approaches like EMDR, Brainspotting, or somatic therapy can help rewire the brain and nervous system, making it easier to navigate challenges like goal-setting or self-doubt. A trauma-informed therapist understands that healing isn’t linear and will work with you at your pace.
Takeaways
This New Year, let’s ditch the pressure to change overnight. Instead of striving for “new,” let’s focus on nourished. Healing is a journey, and every small step forward counts.
If you’re looking for a trauma therapist in Oregon or Washington, I’d be honored to support you. Together, we can explore what healing looks like for you—no pressure, no perfectionism, just progress. Schedule a consultation today, and let’s make this year one of growth, connection, and self-compassion.
Looking to connect with a therapist who can help you set gentle, trauma-informed goals in the New Year?
Take your first step towards nourishment, self-compassion, and healing in 2025.
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About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual Brainspotting sessions in Oregon and Washington. In-person services are available for therapy intensives only. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
