The path to healing
Healing is a journey. But somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that healing—whether physical, emotional, or psychological—should follow a straight line. If you've ever found yourself wondering, "Why am I still struggling after all this time?", you’re not alone.
Let's talk about why healing from trauma is anything but linear, how to release the pressure of that expectation, and why it’s okay if your path looks more like a winding road than a straight highway.
Physical Healing vs. Emotional Healing
Think of how a broken leg heals. First, you get an X-ray to confirm the fracture. Then, you’re put in a cast. Over several weeks, your body repairs the bone, and eventually, you’re back on your feet (literally). Sure, there might be a few setbacks—a missed step on crutches or a bit of stiffness in physical therapy—but generally, it’s a one-way journey from injury to recovery.
Now, imagine trying to apply this timeline to emotional healing. It’s tempting to think: I’ll process my trauma, and in a few months, I’ll be good as new. But emotional wounds don’t come with an X-ray, and the healing process isn’t as straightforward as setting a bone.
Trauma’s Impact on the Brain
To understand why trauma recovery is nonlinear, it helps to look at how trauma affects the brain. When you experience trauma, your brain’s survival systems kick into high gear. The amygdala, which acts like the brain’s alarm system, becomes overactive.
Meanwhile, the hippocampus, responsible for distinguishing past from present, can become impaired, causing traumatic memories to feel as though they’re happening in the now.
And the prefrontal cortex, which helps with decision-making and emotional regulation, may go offline during moments of intense stress.
In short, trauma rewires your brain for survival—and rewiring it back toward safety and connection takes time and patience.
Therapies like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Brainspotting help facilitate this rewiring by targeting how the brain processes, stores, and ultimately releases traumatic memories.
Why Emotional Healing Isn’t Linear
Unlike physical healing, emotional healing often feels like two steps forward and one step back. Here’s why:
Layers of Trauma: Trauma, unfortunately, isn’t a single event stored neatly in one part of the brain. It’s layered and interconnected with other experiences, emotions, and beliefs. Healing one layer can uncover another, like peeling an onion—and yes, it might make you cry.
Triggering Events: Even after making significant progress, a trigger (like a smell, sound, or situation) can pull you back into “trauma brain.” This doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means there’s more to process.
The Brain’s Healing Mechanisms: Neural pathways take time to rebuild. EMDR and Brainspotting work by helping the brain reprocess traumatic memories, but this doesn’t happen in a single session (well, potentially in an extended therapy session like the therapy intensives I offer). The brain’s rewiring is an iterative, ongoing process.
An Example of Nonlinear Healing
Meet Emma (a fictional character for the purposes of this blog). Emma experienced childhood neglect and began therapy in her mid-30s after noticing patterns of anxiety and people-pleasing that affected her relationships. Here’s how her healing journey unfolded:
Months 1-3: Emma starts EMDR therapy and processes a memory of being ignored by her parents during a critical moment. She feels a profound sense of relief and empowerment. For weeks, she notices fewer anxiety symptoms.
Month 4: Emma encounters a work conflict that triggers feelings of inadequacy. She spirals into self-doubt and wonders if therapy is even working. Her therapist reassures her that triggers are opportunities for deeper healing.
Months 5-6: Through Brainspotting, Emma works on the physical sensations tied to her anxiety. She starts to feel more grounded and gains tools to calm her body when triggered.
Month 7: Emma sets a boundary with a family member for the first time. It feels liberating but also terrifying. She spends a week second-guessing herself before realizing this discomfort is part of growth.
Emma’s progress isn’t linear. She experiences highs, lows, and moments of stagnation, but over time, her resilience grows.
The Harm of Linear Expectations
Believing that healing should follow a straight line can be harmful.
It’s easy to fall into self-blame when progress feels slow or when old patterns resurface. This mindset can lead to frustration, shame, and even avoidance of the healing process altogether.
Instead, try viewing healing as a spiral. You might revisit the same pain points, but each time, you’re approaching them from a place of greater understanding and strength. Progress isn’t about never struggling again; it’s about learning to navigate those struggles with more compassion and confidence.
Gentle, Realistic Expectations for Healing
So, what does it look like to set realistic expectations for trauma recovery? Here are a few ideas:
Focus on the present: Healing is about learning to feel safe and grounded in the here and now, not just “fixing” the past.
Celebrate small victories: Did you go a week without a panic attack? Did you set a boundary, even if it felt awkward? These are wins.
Practice self-compassion: Instead of asking, “Why am I still struggling?”, try asking, “What do I need to feel supported today?”
Be flexible with progress: Understand that healing might include setbacks, and that’s okay.
Creating Safety in New Ways
One of the most powerful things you can do during the healing process is to prioritize safety. This might mean saying “no” to situations that feel overwhelming, creating rituals that help you feel grounded, or working with a trauma therapist who understands the complexities of your journey.
Why Work with a Trauma Specialist?
Trauma therapy requires a unique skill set. A therapist trained in EMDR, Brainspotting, or other trauma-focused modalities understands the brain’s complexities and the nonlinear nature of healing. They can provide a safe, supportive environment to navigate triggers, process painful memories, and build resilience.
Working with a trauma specialist ensures that your healing journey is guided by someone who knows how to adapt to your needs and pace. It’s like having a skilled guide on a challenging hike: they can’t make the path easier, but they can help you navigate it with confidence.
A Focused Boost for Healing
Therapy intensives provide an immersive, accelerated approach to healing by focusing deeply on trauma in a shorter time frame. Using tools like EMDR and Brainspotting, intensives help rewire trauma pathways, often leading to meaningful breakthroughs quickly. While they can jumpstart progress, healing remains nonlinear, and integration continues after the intensive. For those ready for concentrated support, intensives offer an effective way to gain momentum while honoring their unique recovery process.
Takeaways
Healing from trauma isn’t a straight shot to the finish line. It’s more like hiking a mountain trail with unexpected switchbacks, stunning views, and the occasional mosquito bite. But every step you take matters, even when it feels like you’re circling back.
If you’re tired of navigating this journey alone, let’s talk. I’m here to help you map out a path that feels right for you—one that honors your unique process and celebrates your progress, no matter how nonlinear it may be.
Looking to connect with a therapist in Oregon or Washington who understands that healing from trauma is complex and non-linear?
Take your first step towards self-compassion and realistic expectations on your healing journey.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual Brainspotting sessions in Oregon and Washington. In-person services are available for therapy intensives only. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
