My partner thinks we should go to sex therapy…
Sex therapy is often the first step that many couples take in hopes of fostering deeper connection and satisfaction in their relationship as a whole. But, it isn’t always the most successful or sustainable route to take. As a couples therapist, I've worked with many individuals and couples who’ve ultimately discovered that the source of their disconnection goes deeper than sex.
In this blog post, we'll delve into the intricate dynamics of physical intimacy, the underlying factors that contribute to relational disconnect, and the transformative potential of EFT.
Understanding the Root of Dissatisfaction
In many instances, couples perceive sex as the primary issue in their relationship, prompting them to consider sex therapy as a solution. This is in part because society often holds sex as the primary measurement for a healthy relationship.
However, it's crucial to recognize that while sex and physical intimacy are integral components of a healthy relationship, they often serve as manifestations of underlying issues rather than the root cause. Taking a closer look at the emotional aspects of a relationship can shed light on the bigger issues.
The Importance of Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy creates the foundation for physical intimacy within a relationship. When partners feel emotionally connected, supported, and understood, it creates a safe and nurturing environment conducive to deeper levels of physical closeness.
Conversely, if one partner experiences a sense of emotional disconnection or lacks feelings of support and validation, it's natural for sex to fall lower on the list of priorities or become challenging.
For example, emotionally-disconnected partners may experience difficulties in initiating or engaging in sexual activities, leading to a sense of frustration. It's also not uncommon to experience discomfort or anxiety surrounding sex, further exacerbating the relational strain.
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) offers a transformative approach to rebuilding emotional and physical intimacy within a relationship. Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on identifying and reshaping the underlying patterns of interaction that contribute to relational distress. By fostering secure emotional bonds and enhancing communication skills, EFT empowers couples to navigate challenges and reconnect on a profound level.
Addressing Emotional Needs
EFT encourages couples to explore and express their emotional needs, fears, and vulnerabilities in a supportive and non-judgmental environment. Through empathetic listening and validation, partners can cultivate a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives and experiences, fostering greater intimacy and trust.
Examples of EFT Interventions:
Attachment Exploration: Couples explore their attachment styles and how they influence patterns of interaction and emotional responsiveness within the relationship.
Emotion Regulation: Partners learn practical strategies for managing and expressing their emotions effectively, fostering emotional attunement and connection.
Communication Enhancement: EFT emphasizes the development of clear, empathetic communication skills, enabling partners to express their needs, desires, and concerns in a constructive and supportive manner.
Rebuilding Physical Intimacy
As emotional intimacy deepens through the therapeutic process, couples often find that physical intimacy naturally follows suit. By addressing the emotional barriers and relational dynamics that hinder connection, partners can rediscover the joy and fulfillment of shared physical experiences.
The Role of Sex Therapy
While emotional intimacy serves as the foundation for physical intimacy, there are instances where sex itself becomes the focal point of relational distress. In such cases, sex therapy can offer valuable insights and interventions to address specific sexual concerns and challenges. However, it's essential to discern whether sex is the primary issue or merely a symptom of deeper relational dynamics.
Takeaways
Navigating physical intimacy within a relationship requires compassion, understanding, and a willingness to explore the complexities of emotional connection. If you find yourself struggling with challenges surrounding physical intimacy, I invite you to schedule a consultation. Together, we can explore tailored approaches to rebuild emotional and physical intimacy, fostering deeper connection and fulfillment within your relationship.
Looking to connect with a therapist who understands the importance of emotional connection in fostering healthy physical intimacy?
Take your first step towards deeper connection and fulfillment within your relationship.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual and in-person therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in Emotionally-Focused Therapy, which is considered the “gold-standard” of therapy for couples by the American Psychological Association.
