The Perfect Storm: How perfectionism and people-pleasing lead to mental and physical health challenges
Perfectionism and people-pleasing behaviors may seem harmless, but they can lead to significant challenges that affect both the mind and body in many ways, including causing:
● Anxiety: Perfectionists and people-pleasers often struggle with anxiety. Constant worry over falling short of their own or others' standards may cause them to feel anxious and tense, which can hurt their well-being. It can make it difficult for you to concentrate and enjoy life.
● Depression: Other than anxiety, the stress of always needing to improve might lead to depression, too. Because of their lofty expectations, perfectionists and people-pleasers may remain unsatisfied even after attaining their objectives. Depression is when someone feels sad or uninterested in things for a long time. It can cause changes in how they sleep, eat, have energy, concentrate, act every day, and feel about themselves. Depression can also make someone want to end their own life.
● Burnout: Overwork and putting other people's needs before one's own may lead to burnout, which is especially dangerous for perfectionists and people pleasers. Because of this, you may find it challenging to carry out your everyday duties and may even have physical health issues.
● Low self-esteem: The desire for frequent external validation and acceptance may lead to a poor sense of self and a lack of confidence. Because of this, it may be hard to speak out for what you want in relationships and other aspects of life.
● Relationship problems: Perfectionists and people-pleasers often put the demands of others ahead of their own, which may strain relationships. They may have difficulty establishing and maintaining appropriate limits, leading to frustration and tension.
● Obsessive-compulsive behaviors: Perfectionists may be more likely to develop obsessive-compulsive behaviors due to their need for control and order, leading to stress and anxiety that can be difficult to break free from.
● Substance use disorders: Substance misuse is also a concern since some people may use these substances to alleviate their emotional and mental strain.
● Eating disorders: Perfectionists may develop eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia because they are too concerned with their appearance and must strictly regulate their food intake. Another way people-pleasers deal with stress and anxiety is via emotional eating.
● Cardiovascular problems: Stress and anxiety caused by perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies have been linked to cardiovascular disease. High blood pressure from stress may raise the danger of cardiovascular illness.
● Insomnia: People-pleasers and perfectionists may have trouble relaxing and falling asleep because their minds are always racing with thoughts of things they still have to do or expectations they fear they will fall short of.
● Social isolation: Perfectionists and people-pleasers risk social isolation because they put the demands of others ahead of their own. They may experience social anxiety and avoidance because they worry about being evaluated or failing to meet others' expectations.
● Gastrointestinal problems: The stress and worry associated with perfectionism disorder and people-pleasing may negatively affect the immune system and the body's capacity to heal and repair itself, leading to gastrointestinal conditions like ulcers or inflammatory bowel disease (IBD).
I, myself, am a therapist who can struggle with perfectionistic tendencies. I’m frequently pulled to do better, show up as my “best self,” and never ever ever under any circumstances make a mistake or be seen as flawed.
While that part of me still exists, I’ve been able to learn ways to say “no” to this part and find more balance and peace.
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About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
