Healing Relationships with Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy
In every relationship, there are moments of disconnect, misunderstandings, and emotional pain. For couples, these moments can create distance, erode trust, and, over time, lead to significant relationship strain. This is especially true for couples where one or both partners have experienced trauma. Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) offers a powerful and effective approach to healing and strengthening relationships by addressing the underlying emotional dynamics that drive conflict and disconnection.
As a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, I have seen the profound impact EFT can have on helping couples reconnect and rebuild their bond. In this blog post, we will explore what EFT is, what you can expect from it, who it is helpful for, and why it might be more effective than previous methods you may have tried.
What is Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy?
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) is a therapeutic approach developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. It is based on the principles of attachment theory, which suggests that humans are wired for connection, and our emotional well-being is deeply influenced by the quality of our relationships. EFT focuses on helping couples create secure emotional bonds by identifying and transforming negative interaction patterns that lead to distress and disconnection.
Core Concepts of EFT
Attachment Bonds: EFT is grounded in the understanding that healthy relationships are built on secure emotional bonds. When these bonds are threatened or broken, individuals may experience anxiety, fear, and a range of other emotions that can lead to conflict or withdrawal.
Emotional Engagement: The primary goal of EFT is to increase emotional engagement between partners. By exploring and expressing vulnerable emotions, couples can foster a deeper understanding and connection with one another.
Restructuring Interactions: EFT helps couples identify negative interaction patterns, such as blame, criticism, or withdrawal, and replace them with more positive, constructive ways of interacting.
Building Security: Through EFT, couples work towards creating a secure emotional bond where both partners feel safe, valued, and understood.
What to Expect from Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy
If you decide to engage in EFT, it’s helpful to know what the process will look like. Here’s what you can expect when participating in EFT:
Initial Assessment: The first few sessions typically involve an assessment of your relationship. The therapist will explore your relationship history, individual backgrounds, and current concerns. This helps identify the negative patterns that are causing distress.
Creating a Safe Space: EFT emphasizes creating a safe and supportive environment where both partners can express their emotions without fear of judgment or criticism. Your therapist will work to establish trust and safety from the outset.
Exploring Emotions: Central to EFT is the exploration of underlying emotions that drive behaviors and conflicts. Your therapist will guide you in identifying and expressing these emotions, which can often be hidden beneath anger, frustration, or resentment.
Restructuring Interaction Patterns: As you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and those of your partner, your therapist will help you restructure your interactions. This involves moving away from negative patterns and towards more positive, supportive ways of relating.
Strengthening Bonds: The final stage of EFT focuses on solidifying the changes made in therapy. You will work on strengthening your emotional bond, ensuring that both partners feel secure and connected.
Ongoing Support: While EFT can lead to significant improvements in your relationship, ongoing support may be beneficial. Your therapist may recommend follow-up sessions to reinforce the progress made and address any new challenges that arise.
Who is Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy Helpful For?
EFT is a highly effective therapy for a wide range of relationship issues, but it is particularly beneficial for couples who have experienced trauma or who are struggling with deep-seated emotional wounds. Here are some of the situations where EFT can be especially helpful:
Couples Experiencing Trauma: Trauma can have a profound impact on relationships, often leading to feelings of disconnection, mistrust, and emotional pain. EFT helps couples navigate the complex emotions associated with trauma, fostering healing and reconnection.
Chronic Conflict: For couples who find themselves stuck in a cycle of constant conflict, EFT can help identify the underlying emotional triggers and break the cycle of negative interactions.
Emotional Distance: When one or both partners feel emotionally distant or disconnected, EFT can help bridge the gap by fostering emotional engagement and understanding.
Infidelity: Infidelity can be a devastating breach of trust in a relationship. EFT can help couples navigate the intense emotions associated with infidelity and work towards rebuilding trust and security.
Attachment Issues: Couples who struggle with attachment issues, such as fear of abandonment or rejection, can benefit from EFT’s focus on creating secure emotional bonds.
Why Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy Might Be More Helpful Than Previous Methods
EFT offers several unique advantages over more traditional therapeutic approaches, making it particularly effective for couples dealing with deep emotional wounds or trauma:
Focus on Emotions: Unlike some therapies that focus primarily on communication skills or problem-solving, EFT delves deeply into the emotional dynamics of the relationship. By addressing the underlying emotions that drive behavior, EFT can lead to more profound and lasting change.
Attachment-Based: EFT’s foundation in attachment theory provides a powerful framework for understanding the needs and vulnerabilities that drive relationship dynamics. This attachment-based approach helps couples create a secure and lasting emotional bond.
Evidence-Based: EFT is one of the most researched and validated forms of couples therapy. Studies have shown that it is highly effective in improving relationship satisfaction and reducing distress, with long-lasting results.
Holistic Approach: EFT addresses the whole relationship, rather than focusing on isolated issues. By working to improve emotional engagement and interaction patterns, EFT helps couples create a more resilient and fulfilling relationship.
Trauma-Informed: For couples where trauma plays a role, EFT’s trauma-informed approach provides a safe and supportive environment to explore and heal from past wounds.
Finding an Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapist in Oregon or Washington
If you believe that EFT could be beneficial for your relationship, the next step is to find a qualified therapist who specializes in this approach. Here are some tips for finding the right EFT therapist:
Research Online: Look for therapists who are certified in EFT and have experience working with couples. The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT) has a directory of certified EFT therapists.
Ask for Recommendations: If you know other couples who have benefited from therapy, ask for recommendations. Personal referrals can be a valuable resource in finding a therapist who is a good fit.
Check Credentials: Ensure that the therapist is trained and certified in EFT. Check their qualifications, experience, and client reviews.
Initial Consultation: Schedule an initial consultation to discuss your relationship concerns and see if the therapist is a good fit for you. This meeting can help you gauge their approach and whether you feel comfortable working with them.
My Therapy Services in Oregon and Washington
As a therapist trained in EFT, I have seen the immense success this approach can bring to couples who are struggling. My experience has shown that EFT can transform relationships, helping couples move from a place of pain and disconnection to one of healing and deep emotional connection.
Read more about EFT here!
If you’re looking for something different than traditional weekly therapy, I also offer EFT in an intensive format. Intensive therapy facilitates efficient and effective healing in a compressed time frame. Click here to read more about EFT intensives!
I am dedicated to providing a safe and supportive space where you and your partner can explore your emotions, heal from past wounds, and build a stronger, more secure bond.
Takeaways
Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy is a powerful and effective approach to healing and strengthening relationships, particularly for couples dealing with trauma, chronic conflict, or emotional disconnection. By focusing on the underlying emotional dynamics and fostering secure attachment bonds, EFT can lead to profound and lasting change.
If you are struggling in your relationship and feel that EFT could be the right approach for you, I encourage you to take the next step. Your relationship deserves the chance to heal and thrive, and EFT offers a path to deep emotional connection and lasting love.
Looking to connect with a therapist who specializes in Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT)?
Take your first step towards building a stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationship.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual Brainspotting sessions in Oregon and Washington. In person services are available for therapy intensives only. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
