Your grief is valid!
Grief is a profound and universal experience that touches everyone at some point in their lives. As a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, I understand the complex and often overwhelming nature of grief. It’s an emotion that is deeply tied to our capacity to love and care.
In this blog post, I will discuss what grief is, how it extends far beyond the death of a loved one, and why it is a healthy, normal response. I will also explain how to validate your grief and provide some suggestions for supporting yourself and others during the grieving process.
What is Grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It encompasses a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief. Many people commonly associate grief with the death of a loved one or a beloved pet. This association makes sense because such losses are significant and often bring about profound emotional pain. However, grief is not limited to these scenarios.
Grief Beyond Death
Grief can arise from any significant change or loss, not just death. It’s important to recognize and validate these other forms of grief, as they can be equally impactful. Here are five examples of situations that can trigger grief:
Grief Over a Relationship Ending: The end of a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a close family relationship can lead to intense feelings of grief. The loss of companionship, shared dreams, and emotional support can be devastating.
Grief During a Life Transition: Major life transitions such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or retiring can bring about feelings of grief. The loss of familiar routines, environments, and identities can be challenging to navigate.
Grief Over the End of Something Special: This can include the conclusion of a significant project, the end of a long-anticipated event, or even the completion of a phase of life, like graduating from school. These endings can leave a sense of emptiness and loss.
Grief Due to Loss of Health: Chronic illness, injury, or a decline in physical or mental health can cause grief. The loss of independence, abilities, and the life one had envisioned can be profoundly affecting.
Grief Over a Broken Dream: When dreams and aspirations are not realized, whether due to personal, professional, or external circumstances, it can lead to feelings of grief. The loss of what could have been is a genuine and valid experience.
The Price of Love: Understanding Grief
Grief is often referred to as the price of love. When we form deep attachments, whether to people, places, or experiences, the ending of these connections can bring about significant emotional pain. This is a healthy, normal response. It’s an indication of how much we valued and loved what we have lost.
Grief is Normal and Necessary: Experiencing grief is a sign of our humanity. It shows that we are capable of deep connections and that we care profoundly about our experiences and relationships. Grieving is an essential part of healing and moving forward. It allows us to process our emotions, make sense of our loss, and find a way to continue living with the memories and lessons from what we’ve lost.
The Intensity of Grief
Grief can be an incredibly intense emotion. It can come in waves, sometimes catching us off guard. One moment we might feel relatively okay, and the next, we can be overwhelmed with sadness or longing. This unpredictability can make grieving challenging, but it’s important to understand that this is a normal part of the process.
The Process of Grieving: Everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people may go through the classic stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – while others may experience these emotions in a different order or not at all. The key is to allow yourself to feel and express your emotions without judgment.
Validation of Grief: No matter the source or intensity of your grief, it is always valid. Society often imposes judgments on what is considered a “significant” loss and how long it is appropriate to grieve. However, only you can determine the impact of a loss on your life. It’s crucial to self-validate and recognize that your feelings are legitimate, regardless of external perceptions.
Supporting Yourself and Others During Grief
Navigating grief can be challenging, but there are ways to support yourself and others through the process. Here are some suggestions:
Supporting Yourself
Seek Therapy: Professional support can be invaluable. A therapist specializing in trauma and grief can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and offer strategies for coping.
Practice Self-Care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. This can include activities like exercise, meditation, journaling, and spending time with loved ones.
Allow Yourself to Feel: Give yourself permission to experience and express your emotions. Cry if you need to, talk about your feelings, and don’t suppress your grief.
Create Rituals: Develop personal rituals to honor your loss. This could be lighting a candle, creating a memory book, or setting aside time to reflect and remember.
Find Supportive Communities: Connect with others who understand your experience. Support groups, whether in person or online, can provide comfort and validation.
Supporting Others
Listen and Validate: Offer a listening ear and validate their feelings. Avoid minimizing their grief or offering unsolicited advice.
Be Patient: Understand that grief is a process that takes time. Be patient with their journey and offer consistent support.
Offer Practical Help: Sometimes, practical assistance can be a great support. Offer to help with daily tasks, run errands, or provide meals.
Encourage Professional Help: Suggest seeking professional support if they are struggling to cope. Offer to help them find a therapist or accompany them to an appointment if needed.
Check In Regularly: Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Continue to check in on them, even after the initial period of loss. Your ongoing support can make a significant difference.
Takeaways
Grief is a natural and valid response to loss. It is a testament to our capacity to love and connect deeply. Whether grieving the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or any other loss/ending, it’s important to recognize and validate your emotions. Remember that everyone’s grieving process is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to experience grief.
Supporting yourself and others during grief involves seeking professional help, practicing self-care, allowing yourself to feel, and connecting with supportive communities. If you need support in processing your grief, consider scheduling a consultation with a therapist who specializes in trauma and grief recovery. With the right support, you can navigate this challenging journey and find a path towards healing.
Looking to connect with a therapist who can help you process your feelings of grief and offer coping strategies/tools?
Take your first step towards validating your emotions, healing, and finding peace.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
