Why masking your emotions isn’t helping anyone
In the journey of trauma recovery, one of the often overlooked but critical aspects is the tendency to mask emotions. Many individuals, especially those who have experienced significant developmental trauma, develop this coping mechanism as a way to navigate through life. While it might appear on the surface that such individuals are exceptionally calm and grounded, the reality is often far more complex.
This blog post will delve into what masking emotions means, how it develops as a trauma response, the challenges in identifying it, and the importance of addressing and healing this behavior.
What Does It Mean to Mask Emotions?
Masking emotions refers to the act of concealing one’s true feelings and presenting a facade that may not accurately reflect what is going on internally. This behavior is different from someone who genuinely feels calm; the key difference lies in the discrepancy between their outward appearance and inner reality.
Someone who masks their emotions might…
Smile and engage in conversation at a social event while feeling deep sadness or anxiety.
Maintain a composed demeanor at work despite feeling overwhelmed by stress.
Consistently listen to others’ problems but never share their own, giving the impression that they have everything together.
Downplay their achievements to avoid attention or criticism.
Remain silent during conflicts to prevent escalation.
To the outside world, a person masking their emotions may seem incredibly resilient, composed, and unfazed by life’s challenges. However, this outward calm is often a survival strategy rather than an indication of true emotional stability.
Comparison with Non-Maskers: Individuals who do not mask their emotions express their feelings more openly. They might cry when they're sad, show excitement when they're happy, or voice their frustrations when they're angry. This openness can sometimes be misinterpreted as a lack of control or stability, but it is actually a healthy expression of emotions.
How Masking Emotions Develops as a Trauma Response
Masking emotions often stems from past experiences where expressing feelings was met with negative consequences. Several types of trauma can lead to the development of this coping mechanism:
Examples of Trauma Leading to Emotional Masking:
Criticism as a Child: A child who is repeatedly told to "stop crying" or "toughen up" learns to suppress their emotions to avoid criticism. This child grows up believing that showing emotions is a sign of weakness, leading to a habit of masking feelings.
Judgment from Parents or Peers: A person who faced judgment or ridicule from their parents or peers for being authentic might start hiding their true self to avoid further judgment, fit in, and gain acceptance.
Lack of Support from a Partner: An individual who receives little to no emotional support from their partner might begin to mask their feelings. If their emotional expressions are met with indifference or dismissal, they might conclude that it's safer to hide their emotions than to risk vulnerability.
In these situations, masking emotions serves as a protective measure. By hiding their true feelings, individuals attempt to shield themselves from additional hurt, rejection, or disapproval.
Identifying Masked Emotions
Recognizing when someone is masking their emotions can be challenging. Since their outward demeanor often seems calm and collected, it requires a closer look and deeper understanding to identify the discrepancy.
How to Determine If Someone Is Masking Their Emotions:
Inconsistencies in Behavior: Notice if there are inconsistencies between what a person says and how they act. For instance, if someone says they are fine but their body language suggests otherwise, they might be masking their true feelings.
Reluctance to Share Personal Feelings: Individuals who frequently listen to others but rarely share their own emotions might be masking their feelings.
Overly Agreeable: A person who always agrees with others and avoids conflict at all costs might be suppressing their own emotions to maintain harmony.
Lack of Emotional Expression: Pay attention to individuals who rarely show emotions, even in situations where an emotional response would be expected.
Physical Symptoms: Sometimes, the body manifests stress through physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue, which can indicate internal emotional turmoil.
Genuine calmness is usually consistent and comes with a sense of peace and presence. In contrast, masking often involves a sense of detachment or disconnection, as if the person is not fully engaged with their emotions or the situation at hand.
Identifying the signs above can help in recognizing when someone might be masking their emotions and encourage a deeper conversation about their true feelings.
The Importance of Addressing Masked Emotions
While masking emotions can provide short-term relief and protection, it is not a sustainable or healthy long-term strategy. Living inauthentically and suppressing emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even depression. It’s crucial to work through the underlying trauma and learn to express emotions more freely and authentically.
Tips for Letting Go of Masking Emotions (yes, it IS ok to express your feelings!):
Therapy: Seeking the help of a trauma-informed therapist can be invaluable. Therapists can provide a safe space to explore and express emotions, understand the root causes of trauma, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
Journaling: Writing about your emotions can help in acknowledging and processing them. It provides a private outlet for expression and can be a first step towards more open emotional expression.
Letting Go of Unsupportive Relationships: Surround yourself with people who support your authentic self. This might mean distancing yourself from relationships that perpetuate the need to mask emotions.
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practices like mindfulness and meditation can help in becoming more aware of your emotions and learning to accept and express them without judgment.
Engaging in Creative Outlets: Activities like art, music, or dance can be powerful ways to express emotions indirectly and can help in breaking down the barriers to more direct emotional expression.
Takeaways
Masking emotions is a common trauma response that serves as a protective mechanism but ultimately hinders genuine emotional expression and connection. Recognizing and addressing this behavior is crucial for healing and developing healthier relationships with oneself and others. By understanding the origins of this coping mechanism, seeking appropriate support, and practicing new ways to express emotions, individuals can begin to live more authentically and freely.
If you or someone you know is struggling with masking emotions and the effects of trauma, consider scheduling a consultation. Professional support can provide the guidance needed to navigate the healing process and foster a healthier, more authentic way of being.
Looking to connect with a therapist who can help you understand why you’re masking your emotions and give you the tools to express yourself more freely?
Take your first step towards healing your trauma and living a more authentic life.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
