What if I’m NOT thankful for anything this Thanksgiving?
Thanksgiving often comes wrapped in the pressure to celebrate togetherness, express gratitude, and enjoy festive meals. But if you grew up in a chaotic household and have childhood trauma, the holiday can feel more like a storm of stress, anxiety, and old wounds. For many, it’s not the turkey or the pie that’s the problem—it’s the family dynamics, unspoken expectations, and the weight of the past.
Let’s unpack why Thanksgiving can be so triggering, how to set boundaries, take care of yourself, and how trauma therapy can help you navigate the holidays with more ease.
Why Thanksgiving Hits Hard for Those with Childhood Trauma
Holidays like Thanksgiving are steeped in family traditions, which can bring up deep emotions. For someone with a history of childhood trauma, these emotions might not be warm and fuzzy.
Old Wounds Resurface: Being around family members who contributed to your trauma or failed to protect you can stir up feelings of anger, sadness, or fear.
Unrealistic Expectations: There’s often pressure to show up, smile, and set aside past hurts for the sake of the holiday—easier said than done.
Isolation and Disconnection: If your family doesn’t feel like a safe space, Thanksgiving can emphasize what’s missing instead of what’s worth celebrating.
Even simple traditions like going around the table to share what you’re thankful for can feel excruciating when you’re grappling with heavy emotions. It’s okay if gratitude doesn’t flow naturally this year.
Gratitude can feel forced when you're carrying unresolved pain. And let’s be honest: nobody wants to say, “I’m grateful this day only comes once a year,” even if that’s the truth.
If gratitude feels out of reach, focus on small, manageable things: a warm cup of coffee in the morning, a favorite blanket, or a text from a friend who gets you. Gratitude doesn’t have to be grand to matter—it can be a quiet, personal acknowledgment of what’s keeping you grounded.
Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Peace
If Thanksgiving feels overwhelming, boundaries are your best friend. Here are some tips to make the day more manageable:
Decide What Works for You: Maybe you’ll attend the big family dinner, but only stay for an hour. Or perhaps this is the year you skip it entirely. It’s your choice.
Keep Explanations Simple: A polite “Thanks for the invite, but I can’t make it this year” is all you need to say. You don’t owe anyone a deep dive into your reasoning.
Have an Exit Strategy: Drive yourself, so you can leave when you need to, or set a “fake emergency” text alert with a friend if you need an easy out.
Manage Triggering Topics: If you know certain subjects (like politics or past conflicts) will come up, prepare gentle ways to redirect the conversation or excuse yourself.
Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re self-preservation. Setting them can help you navigate Thanksgiving without sacrificing your well-being.
Self-Care Tips for Surviving (and Maybe Enjoying) the Holidays
If Thanksgiving traditions feel more draining than fulfilling, consider some self-care alternatives:
Create New Traditions: Who says Thanksgiving has to be turkey and tension? Make your own rituals, like watching a favorite movie, ordering takeout, or spending the day volunteering.
Spend Time with Chosen Family: Whether it’s close friends, a partner, or even your pets, surround yourself with people (or creatures) who make you feel safe and loved.
Journal Your Feelings: Sometimes putting your thoughts on paper can help you process them. Write about what’s hard, what’s hopeful, or anything else you’re carrying.
Ground Yourself: Try a mindfulness exercise, like deep breathing or focusing on sensory details in your environment. A few moments of calm can make a big difference.
Permission to Do Nothing: If all you want to do is stay in your pajamas and watch TV, that’s okay, too. Rest is valid self-care.
Remember, Thanksgiving is just one day. It doesn’t define your worth or your healing journey.
How Trauma Therapy Can Help
If Thanksgiving feels like an emotional minefield every year, trauma therapy can help you unpack the root causes and start healing. Here’s how:
Process Past Hurts: Therapies like Brainspotting, EMDR, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help you process and release the emotional weight of childhood trauma.
Build Coping Skills: Therapy provides tools to manage triggers, reduce anxiety, and handle difficult family interactions with more confidence.
Redefine Your Narrative: Healing doesn’t just mean processing the past—it also means creating a future where the holidays don’t feel so overwhelming.
If family gatherings aren’t in the cards for you, therapy can also help you reframe what the holidays mean and guide you toward building traditions that reflect your values and needs.
Finding Support
Navigating the holidays with childhood trauma is hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to take steps toward healing, I’m here to help. I specialize in trauma recovery and use brain-based and somatic therapies like Brainspotting, EMDR, and IFS. For deeper, faster results, I also offer therapy intensives, which can help you make meaningful progress in a shorter time.
Thanksgiving doesn’t have to be a day of dread or discomfort. With the right support, self-care, and boundaries, it can become a time of reflection, rest, and even growth.
If you’re in Oregon or Washington and ready to work through childhood trauma, schedule a consultation today. Let’s create a path to healing—so the holidays can feel a little lighter and life can feel a lot more manageable.
Looking to connect with a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma?
Take your first step towards setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and navigating the holidays with more ease.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual Brainspotting sessions in Oregon and Washington. In-person services are available for therapy intensives only. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
