Navigating the holidays when you don’t get along with family
As we approach the holiday season, a time traditionally associated with warmth, joy, and family gatherings, the reality for some individuals can be quite different. For those who don't get along with their family, the holidays can evoke a range of emotions, from anxiety to loneliness.
As a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, I understand the unique challenges this time of year can bring. In this blog post, we'll explore why the holidays can be difficult when familial relationships are strained and discuss practical strategies for setting boundaries to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.
Prioritizing Your Mental and Emotional Health
For many, the holidays are a time of celebration and togetherness. However, when familial relationships are strained or toxic, this season can become a source of stress and emotional turmoil. Unresolved conflicts, past traumas, or ongoing family dynamics may resurface, intensifying feelings of discomfort and unease. It's essential to recognize that prioritizing your mental health during the holidays is not only valid but crucial for your overall well-being.
In order to prioritize your needs, it’s important to consider the emotions you typically experience during the holiday season and the boundaries that might help you feel more comfortable. By setting boundaries, you:
Validate and honor your feelings
Create a space where your emotions are acknowledged and respected (by yourself and others)
Reduce stress and anxiety, making room for more peace and joy
Conserve emotional energy, ensuring that you have the resilience to manage any potential stressors
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries during the holidays is not necessarily about avoiding family altogether but about creating a safe space for yourself amidst potentially challenging circumstances. (Although, it’s always ok if you need & choose to avoid family altogether, too.)
Consider these types of boundaries to establish during the holiday season:
Time Boundaries: Determine how much time you're comfortable spending with family or in social settings. Communicate your availability and honor the need for personal downtime.
Emotional Boundaries: Clarify your emotional needs and limits. Communicate openly about topics that may be sensitive or triggering, setting expectations for respectful and considerate conversations.
Physical Boundaries: Clearly express your comfort levels with physical touch and personal space. Establishing these boundaries ensures that you feel secure and respected in your interactions.
Financial Boundaries: Set a budget for holiday-related expenses, such as gifts and gatherings, to alleviate financial stress. Communicate your boundaries around gift exchanges to manage expectations.
Communication Boundaries: Determine the frequency and mode of communication that feels manageable for you. Whether it's phone calls, texts, or in-person visits, establish clear expectations to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
As you define these boundaries, be open and willing to ask for support from people you trust. It’s always ok to ask for help. That might look like:
“I need you to plan and prepare the food for this gathering.”
“I need you to get the kids ready to go, so I can have some time for self-care.”
“I need your support when I greet Aunt Susan.”
Ideas for Self-Care
In addition to setting boundaries, it’s important to create time for self-care. Engaging in activities that nurture your well-being serves as a protective measure, offering a buffer against the emotional toll of challenging family interactions.
Spend Time with Safe, Supportive Individuals: Surrounding yourself with friends or chosen family members who provide a safe and supportive environment can be immensely comforting. Whether it's attending holiday gatherings together or creating new traditions, it’s important to experience the season with people who uplift and understand you.
Establish Communication Check-Ins: Having trusted individuals whom you can check in with via phone call or text during the holidays provides a lifeline to emotional support. Knowing that you can reach out to someone who understands your struggles can offer a sense of connection and reassurance, even if it's from a distance.
Incorporate Self-Care Activities Outside of the House: Consider engaging in self-care activities that bring you comfort and joy, especially those outside of the family setting. Whether it's taking a walk in nature, attending a yoga class, or visiting a local coffee shop, planning in moments of respite can help alleviate stress and provide a mental and emotional break.
Takeaways
The holidays should be a time of joy and connection, but when familial relationships are strained, it's essential to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. Setting boundaries during the holidays is a compassionate act of self-care that allows you to navigate potentially challenging circumstances. Incorporating self-care activities, such as connecting with supportive individuals and planning in time outside of the family setting, can contribute to a healthier and more empowering holiday experience, as well.
If you find yourself struggling with family dynamics during the holidays (or any time of the year), I invite you to schedule a consultation. Together, we can explore strategies for setting boundaries, coping with challenging emotions, and fostering resilience in the face of familial stressors. Your mental health matters, and the holiday season can be an opportunity for healing and self-discovery.
Looking to connect with a therapist who understands the importance of self-care and setting boundaries during the holidays?
Take your first step towards creating a more joyful holiday season.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
