How to assess for a good fit with a therapist
You’ve likely heard about the importance of a “good fit” with a therapist. And so you’ve been given advice to look around a little bit, and schedule those free consultation appointments to assess your connection with a therapist.
But maybe this is your first time even seeking therapy, and you have no idea what to ask to assess for fit.
Maybe you have been in therapy before, but your past therapist was chosen by a parent or a primary care provider, so you never really got to choose. And maybe you don’t even know like what did or didn’t make it a good fit with your past therapist.
As a therapist, I always share how crucial I think it is to find a good match with the person you’ll be letting into your pain and struggle. As a client in therapy myself, I’ve left therapy after only a couple of sessions multiple times because some therapists were too directive, seemed to have their own agenda or they didn’t express the empathy that I really needed from them to try and make change (“just do it,” said in a relatively aggressive manner isn’t exactly a motivator for me).
But when I have had therapists who really validate me, encourage me, and make me feel cared for, I’ve stayed in therapy and done the hard work to improve myself and ultimately help me become the therapist I am today.
So I get it. Therapist/client fit is important.
So how do you assess for that fit?
There are tons of resources online these days that can give you an idea of some questions to ask (I find this page to be a particularly exhaustive list of questions).
Personally, I’ve had people ask me questions about my qualifications/education, how I work with a particular area of concern, what results I help clients achieve, if I assign homework between sessions, do I tend to be on time for my sessions, if I’m originally from Oregon. (I’m not - I’m from Chicago!)
I certainly think looking through some online resources can be helpful if you’re genuinely stumped on questions to ask during an initial consultation.
I also think it’s helpful to consider what really matters to you as you’re assessing your fit with a therapist.
For some people, how long I’ve been providing therapy doesn’t matter nearly as much as that I can laugh with them rather showing up “too clinically” or “cold.”
For some people, the number of trainings I’ve been to and certifications I’ve earned don’t matter nearly as much as how clients actually feel differently or achieve their goals while and after working with me.
Given the current sociopolitical climate these days, I’ve also had clients ask me point blank about my political views because they otherwise wouldn’t feel safe with a therapist who didn’t share their values and beliefs.
That’s so important!
If you’ve had previous therapy experience, during initial consultations I personally like to ask what did and didn’t work for you, and I’m honest about whether my approach includes the things that didn’t work for you/you didn’t like and how I might not be the best fit for you in those cases. So this might be helpful to share with your prospective therapist as well (e.g., “My therapist never led sessions so we never went anywhere meaningful. Are you comfortable leading sessions?”).
Most often, prospective clients are calling me saying they don’t think they went “deep enough” or “got to what’s underneath” their concerns in past therapy experiences. And depth-oriented work is absolutely a focus of my approach, and so I’m often a great fit for those clients.
There are also TONS of online directories to help you find a therapist, but some are better geared towards finding you that great fit - not just who takes your insurance or works in your area.
Mental Health Match is a directory I’m listed on, and I LOVE how they ask prospective clients a set of questions to help them connect with therapists on the directory would who be a good fit. It automatically saves you a great deal of time and effort that you would have been spending sifting through pages of options.
Interested in hearing more about my approach to therapy and whether we’d be a good fit? Submit a consultation request form now!
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
